You know your day and mood is bad when you can’t even come up with a post title. Today i have been in a real funk but as per usual have no idea why or what has triggered it.
I feel really distant from everyone around me and just can’t be arsed to interact or anything. At the same time I feel restless like I should be doing something (yes I know there is always the housework to do!!) Something that feels important but not.
I have had a killer headache all day and lack of sleep isn’t helping, nor is the state of the house…..but not enough to make me do it. Right now breathing is an effort,
I have a few suspicions as to what might be the trigger. I am feeling an argument imminent with my partner, we argue a few times a year but when we do it is like an atom bomb going off and he can say the vilest things. So feeling a bit like I am walking on eggshells at the moment which I know only makes it worse as i become distant and withdrawn leading to said argument.
AARRGGGHHH…..I really despise being a borderline at times, feeling everything and nothing all at once, I mean how is that even possible?!?!
My other thinking on a trigger is that i received a letter in the post from DWP regarding my appeal to the courts basically saying they oppose my appeal and want it thrown out. Now i have spoken to some people in a support group who have all said this is normal DWP response but my god it has hit me hard as has the reality of having to go to a tribunal, feeling like I am on trial. The assessment itself and the few weeks before was hell on earth and not sure I can go through it again especially after reading the assessors report from my face to face interview. It was torture but u barely remember a thing that happened, it is a blur with a few snippits of clarity.
So with my head hurting, feeling like it might explode, wondering if tomorrow i will wake feeling better or worse I am very glad it is soon bedtime for the kids and some peace for me although peace is the last thing I am feeling…
#bpd #borderline #depression #blackdog
My World 